Wow! You
actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and
made us use a precious button on our home page to get you here.
At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we
read the page. What a Netwakening! It’s really important
stuff. We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it
into readable English. So be a smart nethead and read the stuff
on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers,
or worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors.
Here’s
the deal:
We run this
site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it
for personal entertainment, information, education, communication,
and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you
like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial,
personal use. If you do, though, don’t fool around with
the copyright and other notices all over the stuff. They’re
there for a really good reason. And don’t even think about
distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or
anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text,
images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes unless
we give you written permission. And it’s not likely we will.
If you visit
our site, you’re also legally obligated to [read: stuck
with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law
or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World
Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA. You shouldn’t access or browse
the site if you have any problem with that, because once you start,
there’s no turning back — you are bound by [read:
stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here’s
the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on
our site:
1. For everyone’s
sake, just assume that everything on the site is copyrighted unless
we say it’s not. So you can’t use the stuff except
how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without
our written permission. And like we said before, it’s not
likely we’ll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if
we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway.
So it’s better you don’t even ask.
2. While we
try to include accurate stuff on the site, we’re not promising
you it’s accurate. In fact, we’re not promising you
anything except fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on
the site, you’re using it at your own risk. Don’t
call us if there’s a problem because we assume no liability
or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and
anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site
are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In
particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes
"direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive
damages arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without
limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to
you ‘AS IS’ WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED
OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES
OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note
that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied
warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you.
Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding
the exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful
from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we
couldn’t figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers
would accept. But here’s the bottom line — we’re
not responsible if you’re browsing around and the site damages
you or your computer or infects it with any nasty viruses. We
sure hope that doesn’t happen, but if it does, don’t
call us.
4. If you
don’t want the world to know something, don’t post
in on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That’s
because anything you disclose to us is ours. That’s right
— ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff you
post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it,
broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it
to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that,
we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you
post any way we want to, including, developing, manufacturing
and marketing products or other stuff using the information you
post.
5. Pictures
of people or places shown on the site are either our property
or someone else’s property we’re using with their
permission. No matter what, it’s definitely not your property.
You or any of your net-friends can’t use it unless we said
you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess
what — we won’t say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because
unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart,
keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6. There’s
also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site
that either we own or we’re using with someone else’s
permission. So don’t think you have any kind of license
or right to use them, because you don’t and we’re
not about to give you one. If you don’t leave them alone
and mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site,
we’ll probably go ballistic, so will the companies that
own the other trademarks, logos and service marks. That means
that we’re likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come
after you for messing around with our property or the property
of others.
7. You’ll
probably notice we’ve linked our site to lots of others.
While that’s cool, it doesn’t mean we’ve looked
at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to
see what’s going on. So don’t blame us if some site
you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your
pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you’re doing it at
your risk.
8. That brings
us to what you do on our own site. While we occasionally listen
in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion groups
or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume
no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes,
defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity,
pornography, or profanity you might encounter when you visit such
places on our site. And don’t be stupid by posting or transmitting
any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous,
inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or
any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal
offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that
matter violate any law — anywhere, anytime. While we certainly
respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate
with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask
us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software
that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of patriotic
U.S. laws. Because of that, you can’t download or send the
software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq,
Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United
States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United
States Treasury Department’s list of Specially Designated
Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department’s Table of Deny
Orders, or the FBI’s Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just
kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if
you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you’re
not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!
10. We’re
also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site
any time we want to. That’s because it’s ours and
we have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page,
then you’re bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too,
whenever you visit our site.
11. If either
of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue”
(a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement.
(sort of according to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement
is governed by the laws of the State of Nevada, without regard
to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent
you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate AdvancedBusinessBlogging.com/RPM
Success Group, Inc.®
and/or its affiliates’ intellectual property rights, AdvancedBusinessBlogging.com/RPM
Success Group, Inc.® and/or its affiliates
may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state or
federal court in the State of Nevada, and you consent to exclusive
jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree
to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon
mediator in the following location: Las Vegas, Nevada. Any costs
and fees other than attorney fees associated with the mediation
will be shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually
satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the
dispute to binding arbitration at the following location: Las
Vegas, Nevada, under the rules of the American Arbitration Association.
Judgment upon the award rendered by the arbitration may be entered
in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic,
you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first
place. We had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice
was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!
April 16, 2004
AdvancedBusinessBlogging.com
RPM
Success Group, Inc.®
